Most of you know that I am not a conventional therapist. As well as being trained in many interesting trauma treatment modalities I enrolled in a three year training in Somatic Experiencing four years ago.
After finishing this training and quickly becoming booked
out I did realize towards the end of last year that I needed to take a serious break
and look after myself. I couldn’t really afford to take that step, but I deeply
felt I had to follow my inner voice and respect my own nervous systems needs. It
is of tremendous importance to me to role model what I teach my clients. It
didn’t come easy saying “No” to clients, but I knew that I just had to do this. I didn’t work for two months and then only
continued with very few clients until recently when I felt I was ready to take
on new clients once again.
It has been an important time caring for myself, letting
three years of intense Somatic Experiencing training integrate naturally and giving myself this precious time to re-evaluate
carefully how I work with clients. I became more and more aware of my own body
sensations when working with clients and it often surprised me immensely what
my body was able to pick up when working with another human being. At times it felt a lot bigger than just
myself, kind of sacred, and I felt very humbled and honoured witnessing these moments of grace. I learnt to trust
when something in myself didn’t feel quite right despite a client in front of
me insisting they were okay and things looking truly fine on the outside. It
has been such an interesting journey learning to completely trust my intuition
– there were plenty of moments when I doubted it as it went so much against my
mind’s judgment. But over and over again I found out that in the end it had
been my intuition, my own body’s finetuned
feedback system, that had been right!
Seeing a lot less clients gave me the space to notice
reoccurring patterns: It is incredible how many clients don’t have either flight or fight available to them. They live being stuck in one survival
mechanism or trapped in the freeze
state and it makes their life so much more difficult. Often clients don’t have
any healthy anger available to set boundaries and hence become door mats to
others or turn all their rage against themselves, hence sabotaging their own healing
and progress.
Trauma causes our boundary
skin to break – and without boundaries we feel too much, are constantly
overwhelmed and easily hurt, can’t set clear boundaries and lack assertiveness.
As parents we then energetically merge
with our children instead of helping them become their own empowered selves, which
in return hinders our personal growth and ability to stay present. Everyone is
so unique and what they need to heal their boundary skin is just as splendidly unique.
Sometimes it is like a detective story, following the
bodies’ sensations and secret messages and hence finding out what needs
repairing in the present caused by trauma of the past. It is amazing discovering what the body wants to complete
now (it couldn’t do so when in a stressful
and overwhelming situation). Working with the hurts of the ”inner child” and supplying it in the here and now with what was needed back then is another reoccurring topic
in my sessions. Finding what resources and supports now has a tremendous
healing effect and brings the cells in our body into a mindful present time state. Instead of being stuck in the past we
can then truly move forward, making more
room for joy, kindness, appreciation and gratefulness.
I love exploring with a client their own nervous system’s
functioning. Every person’s nervous system is so different and it is a dance
working out what nourishes each individual. Clients can sometimes learn for the
very first time what really supports them (and what doesn’t!) and are empowered
to regulate their affect. They are then no longer at the mercy of their
emotions and overwhelming thoughts, instead they can pendulate to a more relaxed way of being. For me it’s like going on a very exciting
treasure hunt with great curiosity
and gentleness while slowing down and noticing deeply.
Through my training I learnt to understand my own nervous system better and better. I became skilled at noticing what nourishes and resources, and, what overwhelms me. I finally understood why
getting too excited and becoming ungrounded can have such a negative backlash
for me. I also learnt that being great at making big brave decisions and
jumping into cold water is a strength I will always have, but learning to make
smaller steps between decisions instead is much more helpful for me in the long
run.
I have been working closely together with other therapists in this time and it has
been interesting watching myself in the role of the client. I became faster at realizing who was good for
me and who wasn’t. It sometimes was
confusing when someone working with me was so nice and well meaning, but my
body gave me signals that this wasn’t really going to help me move forward. I
learnt that I always need to listen
to my body. It knows best. Full stop. Even
when it is against all rules, theories and expertise in another healing field. We
are all unique and in the end only our own self can determine what is right for
us.
I have had my break and lived through it with all its ups
and downs (yes, there were plenty of downs as well!) and am now ready to go
onto more of these detective treasure hunts with you. I am taking on new clients! Since I know
my nervous systems limitations I however will only take on a limited number of
clients at a time.
If you want to find out more about your nervous system and
the incredible healing of trauma I am inviting you to read the short articles
on my blog under www.counsellingsomatic.com.au
or on my Facebook page “Counselling
Somatic Barbara Schmidt
